Soul Of A Vagabond

Defining Moments

2008-03-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

What constitutes a defining moment?

Something that is etched in your memory for life?
Something so impactful it changes your life forever?
Or perhaps something that makes you realise who you are and what's your story?

A defining moment to me is ...

Sleeping atop a cold mountain unsheltered in a thunderstorm,
It's walking for days with no rest with people so close they're practically family,
It's capturing the objective after a fierce fire fight,
It's watching the sunrise knowing the mission was accomplished,
It's throwing my peak cap to the skies, drunken with emotions and exuberance,

Above all it's breaking the limits,
pushing myself past what I thought I was,
making my parents proud,
forging a brotherhood so strong,
and achieving.

This one's for my late grandfather.
Rest in peace.

Back to Green

2008-03-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

I outmuscled hercules,
I outran tenderfoot,
I sought the greensleeves,
I captured the skylark,
I made the nightbird sing,
I defeated the scorpion king,
I broke the spade,
I danced with the wolf,
I skinned the jaguar,
I encaged the panther,
I tamed the wildcat,
I hunted the hunter,
I saved crusoe,
I became the castaway,
I triumphed the lancer,
I survived the dump-in,
And I reached the crescendo.

Now I head back to where it all began ..

Dear God,

2008-03-04T08:20:00.000-08:00

The mist surrounds, it suffocates,
the kiss of death, the eternal light,
call it what you want,
the saviour, the snatcher,
it means different things to different people,
no saint, nor sinner
is out of its sinister reach.

to me,
it means i never got the last say,
i swallow my goodbyes,
i choke on my regrets,
for the hand of neverland never relinquishes its prize,
nor do the dead from beyond the grave.

so if you're there,
staring down to us,
read my mind, my thoughts, my prayers,
and hear all the words unsaid,
for all the times i could not say it,
i never stopped thinking it,
feeling it, believing it.

so as i cower in my shell,
vulnerable as the newborn,
wretched as the dying,
i seek not sanctuary,
nor deliverance,
but that it's not too late to let you know.

For her

2007-03-26T00:38:00.000-07:00

Blood for face
Sweat for dirt
Three X's for the stone
To break this curse
A ritual's due
I believe I'm not alone
Shell of shotgun
Pint of gin
Numb us up to shield the pins
Renew our faith
Which way we can
To fall in love with life again

To fall in love
To fall in love
To fall in love with life again

GTM!

2007-01-25T08:14:00.000-08:00

It's harsh because

just as you learn to love,

you are forced to learn to part and leave behind.

And that concludes a chapter in my book,
i fought you to fight for you,
i gave up on you,
i couldn't bear to,
but in the end,

i love you.
ALL.

The System Has Failed

2007-01-01T04:04:00.000-08:00

It seems to me that we have been conditioned in a particular way.

The system.

Right here in good ol' Singapore, has conditioned us in such a way that we are unable to believe and see past the norms and social pretenses created by our own doing.

Somewhere between seeking the almighty dollar and establishing ambitious social stances, we have created a web of disillusionment that creates walls, boundaries and cowers us into thinking that anything outside the normal limitations is utterly impossible and should not even be comprehended.

For some reason, it has sucked us of the ability to believe. To believe and look beyond the preset horizon.

Well, I don't need your disbelief, skepticism and disbelief. Pack up your negativity and go on home honey.

Let's start 2007 without the shakles of conformity and convention and start breaking free. Else one day we may just wake up realising our golden years are gone. Shit, that scares me.

This one's for you babe, I'm gonna make it work, all we need is some belief. Belief in the unknown and the unprecedented. It's a risk, it's a half-chance, but I'll take it.

Sabira

2006-12-18T07:07:00.000-08:00

The nights are lonely without you around.

Won't you come back?
So I can follow you into the wild forests,
and across the vast oceans,
atop the highest peaks,

of our imagination.

That's all we need,
just you and I.

Post-Partying

2006-11-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

The exams and torture was over and we partied the onlyt way we knew how-

by being dickweeds and making all the wrong decisions.

Who would've known we could have so may bad ideas in 3 days? LOL.

the parties and dumb ideas,
the dancing and lack of it,
the gaming and movie going,
the destined pick and girl next door,
the non-sleeping and running away from dogs,
the ghost town and watery milos,
the disposing of t-shirts and the sand pits,
the wet games and even more non-sleeping.

Fuckaluckadoo.

Studying was so yesterday,
this is how we live.

For The Sake of Revenge

2006-10-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

My head is throbbing from the words and numbers,
swimming in my thoughts,
blurring my vision, clouding my judgement.

The air smells like stale cigarettes,
The kind of stench you can taste on your tongue.

Losing my sense of control,
and can't remember past the night before,
but etched in my mind is one thing.

REVENGE- a dish best served chilled.

But the more think I think, the more I see,
the more I see, the more I realise.

I'd take away your will to live in an instant,
with no remorse, regret nor second thoughts,
but how will I look at myself in the mirror
every single day,

And see that I've become you.
Become the unworthy, despicable vermin you are.

Would it be worth it?

End of Days

2006-10-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

It never really occured to me how fast 2 years can flicker by.

It was like a fuse burning slowly but intently, and when it fizzles out you're left wishing you had longer string, cos the time can't possibly over so soon right?

Judging by my grades now, people have said that I've wasted my 2 years in MJC, but goddamit i beg to differ. There are so many people that I've met and become a part of me along the way.

Some words pop to mind.

Council. A106. Archangels. LTC. Orientation 1 & 2. M.I.A. Jaja __ Binks. Prom Night '05. Fullertongate scandals. LTC Campfire. Para Para Sakura. The MRT Gang. The CSI team. The Campfire Bloopers (again). The one where Alvin almost punched someone in front of 800 freshies. The $1500 that got away. The tumbler that Pal broke. Pal's eating habits. BBQ sauce all over his pants and shirt. Ali and the MRT door. Pangker and the white paint. Teachers Day. Jamming. Prom Rehearsals. J1 Bash. That Thing You Do. Her smile. Soccer Finals. Agony/Ecstasy. Mr Hon and Mr Yeow. Rejection. Acceptance. Broken hearts. Midnight Conferences. Free Movies. Goal and Corpse Bride. 2 For 1. Class CIP. The fights. The bitching. The harmony. The passion. The desire. And so much more.

To all those who think that JC life is all about mugging and can't wait to leave, I'm sorry i think you just wasted 2 years of your life. Cos it could be so much more.

Alive

2006-09-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

Now that I know you, I could never turn my back away
Now that I see you, I could never look away
Now that I know you, I could never turn my back away
Now that I see you, I believe no matter what they say

I feel so alive
for the very first time
I can't deny you
I feel so alive

I feel so alive
for the very first time
And I think I can fly

Birthday Brushed in Red

2006-09-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

So what a day it turned out to be today.

From one fucked up paper and freezing below sub-zero air-conditioned hall that threatened to ruin my morning .. to one of the most unexpected birthdays ever.

I guess I owe a huge deal of thanks to a lot of people.

Make it an astronomical, colossal, extremely enormous thanks.

Firstly, to all the people who took the time to wish me happy birthday, I thank you for your well wishes you are all too many to name. I really appreciate you keeping me in your thoughts. =D

Secondly, to my sister, Muslihah, Euodia and Michelle who lavished on me gifts that were really sweet and pretty extravagant if I may say so. You guys really shouldn't have, but I loved it all the same. =D

Thirdly, to the bunch of cracker-jacks who pulled off sucha big shocker on me today. Gotta thank Inderpal for pooling down what .. 17 or 18 people to rock down LJS today. Honestly guys, your presents may have been awesome but your PRESENCE was mindblowing, heartfelt and well, I couldn't ask for more. Inderpal, Ali, Vanessa, Pangker, Alvin, Joyce, Louelle, Baizura, Haris, Wenjian, Sianwei, Yong Ying, Adeline, Fabian, Anting and Stephanie- Thanks for dropping by and making it such a memorable night. And for fucking embarrassing me by singing Happy Birthday at the top of your lungs, attracting attention from the entire LJS. KNN. =D

Last but not least, to Dahliah for taking time off from her busy schedule to fit me in. Oh and for gracing my otherwise boring existence. =D

God damn, I have Gothic paper tomorrow. Zzz.

Love You all, Peace and Goodnight.

Last Rites

2006-09-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

So this is to all the people, Meridians, students, whatever-
who are on the verge of sitting for the major exams in what promises to be a bone-crunching, gut-busting, brain-zapping and stomach churning test of endurance, optimism, faith and least of all, knowledge.

This is me wishing you people all the luck in the world, whoever you are, wherever you may be.

If you are at all even as half as worried as me, I urge you to think for a second.

About 800++ other students in MJC will be undergoing the same ordeal, multiply that by 17 other institutions and that's a fuckload of students. So whatever happens you're not alone in this and just thank your lucky stars it isn't the big A's itself.

Someone, somewhere out there is going through something worse and would be dying to trade places with you.

Make the best you can with the time and oppotunity placed in your hands, because that's all one can ever do.

Good luck people,
Good luck & Godspeed.

A Whole New World

2006-09-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's like a brand new world unfolding before your eyes.
The more you find out the less you know.
Like everything you ever thought you knew, had figured out, is thrown out of the window.
And you don't know where you've been all this while.
Whether you're awake or merely asleep.

And all you really know is,
how perfectly her hand fits in yours.

Silent Night

2006-09-05T04:30:00.000-07:00

Look into my eyes I've done it again,
Same old story, same old pain.

She loves me not,
She loves me still,
But she'll never love again.

After the mist clears,
And the champagne glasses are dry,
Don't forget my smile,
And how I choked my last goodbyes.

Silent Night.

The Heartbeat

2006-08-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

They are my heartbeat.

My council gave me a token of their appreciation and love,
in commemmoration for my 'great service' as they put it.

What they don't realise is that they were the reason it turned out so great.

Greatest bunch of people I've ever worked with.

Thank you for the memories.
The accolade belongs to you guys.

Love, Blessings and Peace.

The Misery

2006-08-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

The heart pounds faster.
And faster still.

Questions of what,
and who and of why?
To live is to breathe,
yet to live is to die.

Primal and vicious,
it sleeps within me.
Like a dormant volcano
awaiting its time.
Pulsating,
Creating illusions of darkness,
friends and foes alike,
Clouding judgement like a stormy winter's night.
Forgive me for I know not what I do.

So lock your doors and kiss your wives,
Saddle your horses and sharpen the knives.

For the moment of passion,
and madness and rage,
will call for your valour,
to smite me with silver bullet,
or wild rose,
and end the nightmare,
for your sake
and mine.

Sidewinder

2006-08-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

Slowly, subtly it sucks you in.

Crushes you within its wake.

Sucks you of your individuality, sanity.

Like ghosts in the evening air.

And helpless you may be, but not defeated.

Your will carries you through.

Then it takes that away from you too.

Man, I'm becoming a fucking slave to the system. A life less meaningful.

Heal Me.

2006-08-06T03:51:00.000-07:00

Self-denial it rapes you, then heals you, then rapes you once more.

But the void in my soul is nothing compared to the coldness in your frozen heart.

Bastard Saints

2006-08-02T07:07:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the world another child's life is taken away,
and its broken smile is left hanging,
wondering what crime it had been punished for.

Another town burns in the night,
whilst its survivors, crippled and scarred,
sniff the dust of their families.

Whilst the world faces its own dilemmas,
of what movie to watch?
and what clothes are in fashion?
and who will be prom queen?

Whilst another child's life is pawned.

Burn the devils behind the rain.
May your blood be haunted by the souls of the dead.

Leave It Behind

2006-07-12T06:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know,
when it will end,
the sun has set and I can't be friends.

I don't know,
if I could forgive,
the day is long but you were so damn wrong.

San Sebastian

2006-07-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

I could see my life, short film passing my eyes
I tried to look away from her, as always I just tried

Sweetness in her eyes, gone thru one million miles
How could I turn my back on her, the sweetest thing alive

I was eager, day time dreamer, waiting time when I'd come alive

Sun of San Sebastian eighteen years young today
She's all I ever dreamed, but now my skies are turning gray
It was good I got to know her well, because it made me see
That the sun of San Sebastian is just too hot for me

Look what I have done to my San Sebastian
I wasted all my childhood dreams by staring at the sun
Back in time with a dream of mine
I try to find my way back to life

Burning fever, night time screamer, waiting time when I'd come alive

Sun of San Sebastian oh why I cannot stay
She's all I ever dreamed, but now my skies are turning gray
It was good I got to know her well, because it made me see
That the sun of San Sebastian Is just too hot for me

Every single day, for the rest of my way
I live without my love, my God, I have to stay in shade
When I'm old and gray, I remember that day
When she came, that perfect dame and she blew me away

I was eager, day time dreamer, waiting time when I'd come alive

Was it good I got to know her well although it made me see
That the sun of San Sebastian is far too hot for me

Now I live my life in shades and I am married to the moon
And the sun of San Sebastian is warming someone new~

The Wicked End

2006-07-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

Don't throw me a lifeline.
Wretched Goddess.
Don't you know I'm already dead?

Legendary

2006-07-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

Sitting with my councillors today, it felt so .. right.
A sense of belonging and perfect equillibrium.
The year might have passed,
But the dream lives on.

In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you.

The Memory Remains

2006-07-08T04:12:00.000-07:00

Fortune fame,
Mirror vain,
Gone insane,
But the memory remains.

Awakenings

2006-07-03T04:21:00.000-07:00

I truly see a madman in the mirror when I'm weak.

Escapism

2006-07-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

The man who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.

I don't wanna be a superhero

2006-07-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna be a superhero.

Never really cared about society.

I don't wanna be a superhero.

I dont care so don't call me.

Wasted Time

2006-06-29T05:11:00.000-07:00

I think back to the times when dreams were what mattered, though talking youth naivete.

You said you'd never let me down, but the horse stampedes and rages in the name of desperation.

Is it all just wasted time?
Can you look at yourself when you think of what you left behind?

Bye Bye Missy

2006-06-28T01:23:00.000-07:00

How is it that we humans seem so miniscule against the wonders of the universe. Insignificant against the depths of the deep blue sea and the secrets it holds. Powerless against the magnitude of space and time. Like mere nothings.

Yet a mere human still possesses the power to steal another's reason to smile.